Sometimes, Eating is Everything!

It is just the twins and I this morning at home while Kaley is at school. I have been trying to catch up on folding and putting away clothes while the girls played and watched cartoons. At least that is what I had hoped to do but the girls have been fighting and fussing making it hard to accomplish much of anything. I thought maybe they just wanted my undivided attention so I sat down to hold them and read but they were still out of sorts. Finally, I sat them at the table and gave them some cheese and goldfish. Wow, what a difference. They just needed to eat.

Isn't this how we are as christians? We try to go about our daily business but find ourselves fighting with everyone, complaining about everything, and feeling sorry for our pitiful selves. Most of the time it is simply a matter of eating. If we don't stop and turn, exercising our spirit, taking the time to eat the Word, giving ourselves to being saturated with the truth we will find it hard to get out of ourselves and into our Spirit. Praise the Lord for such practical examples in our daily life!

Today...

Thank you, Lord, for your mercies new

and for strength to start each day.

Each morning help me exercise

to turn to You and pray.

I don't want to live in my mind

and be ruled by my own will.

I want to reject all Satan's lies

not trusting what I feel.

I want to eat your living Word

and drink by calling on Your name.

I'll stand upon your promises

Your precious blood to claim.

I accept this day's supply of grace

and take You as my Head.

Be in me what I am not

that by Your Spirit I am led.

I want to play...

I woke up to a beautiful, crisp, cool morning with the feeling of Fall in the air. It was a welcome refreshment after these last couple of months with record heat. We had plans for my husband and his parents to spend the day working on putting up new fence in our backyard so we arranged to have breakfast together bright and early. The only thing better than the change of weather was the mouthwatering smell of applewood smoked bacon and my Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee. With such a delightful ambience, I even rather enjoyed the simple task of fixing breakfast for everyone and cleaning up.

After breakfast, those of us not appointed to fence duty went out back to play. Play, that is suppose to be fun, right? In all honesty I wasn't looking forward to this part. Yes, I was thankful for the beautiful weather and knew the girls would be excited for an opportunity to play outside but I couldn't help but think of all the things I could accomplish inside if given the time alone to do it. When did this happen to me? When did I become such a "grown up"? As a kid, I remember being filled with anticipation of all the fun a weekend could hold and remember how endless time felt when we were left to just play. I brought out the phone and my kindle (wishful thinking) and sat down taking in the fresh air. I'm not sure why I thought sitting would be possible. Two year olds require chasing and five year olds expect you to assist in playing out the many roles and scenarios their imaginations dream up. Reluctant at first, I put away my things and decided to play.

According to the dictionary to play is to engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. With the responsibilities of life and all our anxious fretting about, we seem to forget how to do this as we grow up. Thankfully it is an innate quality of a child and it is contagious. My girls were giddy with excitement to be outside. They were running in all directions with seemingly no direction. Squealing, laughing, jumping, climbing, singing and talking all at once. It was absolute chaos and completely wonderful. They had not one concern about what would happen next and played with a complete lack of inhibition or restraint. When it was time we made lunch and all ate outside, played a bit more and then came in for naps.

I can't remember the last time I felt this refreshed and alive. Now that they are resting up for whatever the afternoon holds I consider what might of been... I could have stayed in and accomplished some practical things like tackle the everpresent mountain of laundry, continue my quest to rid my house of dustbunnies, or even rid my fridge of it's unplanned science projects. What I probably would have done, though, is sit down and peruse facebook and realize after way too long that I had already read the same statuses five times because nothing had changed since I last checked. I might then decide to finish the book I started on my kindle and then after so little activity would feel sleepy. Since I would still need to make lunch and get the girls ready for nap I'd probably be a little cranky since I'd just want to sleep myself and on top of that I'd be disappointed I hadn't accomplished anything.

I am so thankful I played! Not only was it the very best way I could have spent my time this morning I am thankful I didn't miss out on those precious moments with my girls. Kaley will be 5 tomorrow and her awareness of reality will eventually drown out the details of her pretend world. The twins will all too soon learn how to say their words correctly and sing the right words and tunes to their songs. Life will get busy and I'll always have practical matters to deal with but I'll never get back the minutes I've been given each day once they've been lived. I don't want to get so busy I forget to play and enjoy these moments of my children's childhood. I don't want to ever look back and wish I had just played.

My Treasure

It seems the enemy knows me well.

He slithers in and it's hard to tell

exactly when my fear and greed

start to plant an ugly seed.

My mouth, my heart, and my mind

expose my lack until I find

I'm consumed with desire for food and things

and try to control what tomorrow brings.

I worry and fret although I'm blessed

and forget to take you as my rest.

You want to hear my thanks and praise

and trust you with my coming days.

Lord, take away the want in me

for that which I do not need.

I'll gladly accept your perfect measure.

My growth in you, my increasing treasure.

I can do it...all by myself!

I was having a snack with my almost 5 year old daughter this afternoon. She chose a small bag of Cheetos and naturally I reached over to help her open the package. She snatched it away from me saying, "I can do it all by myself! I am big now, Mommy." I went back to my snack and let her be a big girl. I couldn't help but notice, though, she was really struggling with that bag of chips. She pulled this way and that way but the bag just wouldn't budge. She struggled a minute, and after what felt like forever to me she finally conceded, "Well, maybe this time you will have to help me just a little bit." I just wanted to hug her, and I did, after I helped her open her bag.

Isn't it funny that it is in those seemingly insignificant everyday occurrences the Lord speaks to me so profoundly. So many times I have approached the task at hand, and although I may not tell the Lord outright that I can handle things on my own, I say it through my independence and omission of prayer. He doesn't force His will on me or laugh at my misguided confidence in my own abilities. Instead, He waits.

Sometimes things go okay but I don't feel the joy I thought I would, but more often than not things go horribly wrong and I realize how much I needed my Heavenly Father. The very moment I confess this and turn to Him, He is there. He doesn't say, "I told you so," and He doesn't turn His back to teach me a lesson. He opens His arms and lovingly covers me with His grace and faithfully restores the situation.

Smiles and Tears

Well, here we are. My baby is going to start Pre-K tomorrow. This is a day we all knew would come. However, I never imagined it would come so quickly. I have been blessed to be home with her since she was born and was even given a bonus year since she has a September birthday. These last five years have been filled with some of the most joyful, proud, humbling, challenging days of my life so far.

I love being Kaley's Mom. She is such a special little girl. She is curious, inquisitive, insightful and articulate. She observes everything around her and has an amazing memory. She is creative and her imagination seems to have no limit. She is funny, and sensitive and wants everyone to be her friend. She is also headstrong, impatient, dramatic, and quick tempered. I have often wondered if her ears actually work. Even as a baby she seemed to have a mind of her own and endless energy.

I find it hard to believe all she has learned in five years and all the ways she has grown. I am even more astounded at what I have learned. I am not near as patient as I would have liked to believe I was. I too am headstrong and have too quick a temper. I never knew all the ways being a mom would transform me and how precious His supply of grace would become. Loving my children has given me a much deeper appreciation of God's unconditional love for me. It is true what they say about "Having children is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body." I want so much to keep her close and protect her from anyone or anything that could hurt her. The truth is though, that even in my care I have no guarantee of her safety.

From the time she was born I have prayed for the Lord to keep her safe and keep her well. I have thanked the Lord for loving her more than I can and always acknowledged that she is His and not really mine. And still, I find myself lacking the faith to actually let go even in little ways. Preschool is only a few hours each day but it is just the beginning of a lifetime of letting her leave my care and entrusting her to His. I was encouraged by something I read yesterday. AW Tozer said, "Wherever we are, God is here. There is no place, there can be no place where He is not." I was comforted by the truth that God is with me and there was no where His love for me couldn't reach and ever so gently the Lord spoke to my heart and reassured me that He was not only with me but with each of those I love. I don't need to be afraid of letting my children grow up. There is absolutely nowhere they can go without the Lord being there with them.

Tomorrow is a big day and will be a bittersweet mixture of smiles and tears. It makes me sad to see just how far away we are from the days I first held her in my arms but I too am so full of joy to see her growing up and being the little girl she is today. I am proud of her and humbled at the opportunity given me to be her mom. Her excitement is contagious and I look forward to seeing her embrace the challenges of this new experience.

Beautiful Flowers

In college I read a book called "The 5 Love Languages" written by Dr. Gary Chapman. After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I can honestly say this book changed my life. It just made sense and changed the way I express and interpret love. I confess, when I began to read this book, I approached it from a purely selfish point of view. I was so excited to see such a clearly defined example of how I express myself and why. It became clear to me that if somehow all the people who loved me could just read this book they would know exactly what to do to make me feel special and feel truly loved. But exactly how was I going to get everyone to read it and see what I saw? Hmmm.... I tried looking at it from a different perspective and saw glimpses of enlightenment of how I could convey my love to others in a way they could receive it better. I still couldn't figure out how to make others love me better, though.

While dating my husband and even into the beginning of our marriage it was no secret that we spoke different languages. I longed to hear him share his heart through mushy love letters or surprise me with loving romantic gestures such as sending flowers, making reservations, or just telling me how much he adored me. He on the other hand being practical to a fault had no natural inclination to do any of these things. There was no end to the things he would do for me, however. He has never once complained about helping with anything that needs done around the house. He has cooked, done the dishes, cleaned my stove, scrubbed the bathrooms, mopped the floor, washed the windows made the bed, changed diapers, fed babies, watched toddlers, given the girls their baths or any number of things that needed done or would lighten my load. Not to mention he has always emptied the trash, taken care of the yard and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have had to pump my own gas in the time we have been together. I truly appreciated all of these things and yet there would be times I still felt hurt and unnoticed. Finally a time would come and I would tell him how I felt only to feel awful because it would make him sad to think he'd hurt me. I knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved me and that he chose me even though my feelings deceived me.

Through the years I have spent much time in prayer, read many books, and have sought wisdom from others concerning my relationships with those I love. One very important thing I've realized is that no matter what happens between myself and another person I only have control over my own actions or reactions. Regardless of how I feel, I have to take it as from the Lord Himself. He arranges my environment and is in every detail of my circumstances and no one can do anything to me outside of His care for me and His desire to fulfill His purpose in my life. So even in my relationships and especially with my husband I needed to trust His love for me and give my feelings to the Lord.

I picked up "The 5 Love Languages" years later and read it again. This time after much growth in the Lord I received a completely different message. I began to appreciate the different love languages of the special people in my life and started accepting their expressions of love the way their heart spoke them. This was such a revelation to me. My husband and I will be married 14 years on the 16th of August. Over the years I have learned to embrace his gracious Acts of Service as the gifts of love that they are. I am overwhelmed at times at all the beautiful "flowers" he gives me through the many practical ways he cares for me daily. This is how he cherishes me and gives of himself because he loves me. Even sweeter still is that as our love continues to grow and as we are blessed with another day together we each become a little more bilingual.

Two Sides of a Blessing...

I remember the very moment each of my babies was first placed in my arms, and the way I felt my heart would burst, I loved them so much. With every part of my being I was humbled and in awe that each precious bundle was gifted to me specifically, a loan from God Himself, to fulfill His chosen purpose in each of our lives. Wow! What a joy and what an awesome responsibility. I knew in that moment, I was changed forever, and being a mother would be one of the greatest privileges ever given me. Only minutes later, however, as my physical fatigue began to set in, I became all too aware of how limited my human capacity was and that I would desperately need help from outside of myself to care for these needy little beings.

In my experience, NOTHING will expose your weaknesses and shortcomings quite like your children. It seems we have an innate ability to love our babies when they are born and we feel it when we are holding them, comforting them, watching them sleep, enjoying their cuteness, or indulging in moments of pride. This is the part of parenting we like to share with the people we talk to or write about on facebook. The truth is, parenting is alot of work and so much of what is required is not fun at all. Just like in marriage after the honeymoon, you soon realize that love is a decision and more about the many choices you make in spite of how you actually feel.

I have three toddlers, a four year old and two year old twins. Yes, they are cute. They bring me much joy and laughter, and fill my heart with pride. They are also very selfish, loud, and destructive and more times than I'd like to admit, I have found myself crying, running to my Mommy for comfort. Thankfully, each day has no more than 24 hours. Some days my girls aren't asleep for as many of those hours as I'd like but there comes a time every night when I see them sleeping and the details of the day are no longer important and I long to hold them. I am reminded once again of how blessed I am and know that after a good nights sleep and a few cups of coffee in the morning, I will be ready to embrace a new day, challenges and all.

Seasons Change...

I was tidying up the kitchen tonight after supper and was washing a few things at the sink. Nathan was reading to the girls in the other room so I found myself lost in thought while going through the motions of my mundane task. I happened to look up and on the shelf right in front of me something caught my eye. I have some decorative blocks that are glued together and each of the four sides represents a season. I realized it was still on WINTER and I thought to myself, "How sad, I missed the SPRING." As I said those words in my head, an even deeper meaning began to resonate in my heart.

Ecclesiastes 3 says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." I have often referred to various times of transition in my life as a season to try and give myself some perspective. Life is a series of transitions and change is certain just as the rhythms and design of the earth's seasons. It is inevitable. So many times, though, it seems I get stuck in whatever season I am in. I spend so much of my energy adapting and work so hard at surviving that I forget to expect a new season. Worse yet, is realizing that the Lord has blessed me with a fresh new season with it's unique beauty and never seeing it or being able to enjoy it for being consumed with my current reality.

Washing the Windows

I got a call early this morning letting me know I would be having some unexpected visitors. I was thankful for the call because it afforded me the opportunity to have myself, the girls and my house look a bit more presentable. After we were dressed I glanced around the house quickly to assess the priority. I swept the floor, washed the table, and counters, and opened the blinds, and front door in order to appear more welcoming. As the sun shone through the windows I was appalled at the grime that had built up. I quickly grabbed my spray bottle and paper towels and got to work. I wondered to myself just how they had gotten so dirty. I hadn't done anything purposefully to make them such a mess. It was just the natural result of everyday life. The kids hands and slobber, something splashing out of a cup, dust, wind, rain, etc..... It just happened and over time it had become difficult to see through the windows clearly even with the sun shining.

What a picture! Many times I have found myself trying to open up and let the Lord shine through me only to find a thick, built up film of selfishness, pride, bad attitudes, old disappointments and hurts muddling the view. I had good intentions and was trying to be obedient and express the Lord, however, I had not taken the time to be washed and by nature all these ugly things surfaced and built up over time. Oh, Lord, thank you for these pictures. Keep me coming to you in your Word each day, and keep me turning to you moment by moment, that I could be washed, so you are able to shine through me.

The difference a day makes...

Yesterday, we woke up early and took the girls out for breakfast. We wanted to celebrate as a family, my husbands new work schedule that would give us two days each weekend to spend together. Of course, you never really know what will happen when you take three toddlers anywhere. We took a deep breath and hoped for the best. To our delight they were happy and sweet and seemed eager to show the world just how well behaved they could be. We beamed, took pictures, and happily took them on several more errands throughout the day. When it was time for bed they fell asleep quickly and we sat down and smiled, feeling like such good parents. What a great day!

This morning, I stayed home from church, trying to pull our house together and do some extra cooking for some family members who have recently had surgery. I helped Nathan get the girls out the door to church and set about my work. Sundays are always hard because when we get home the girls are hungry and tired and it is way past their usual nap time. I thought they seemed to be handling it pretty good considering. The twins slept two hours and Kaley rested a few minutes. Nathan was pretty tired from the morning and I was beginning to get a bit frazzled trying to get everything done. We got our deliveries ready and loaded everyone in the van. Our first stop went smoothly but it was quick and I am the only one who got out. The second stop was at my in-laws. The girls were excited to see Granny and Grandpa. Granny had just come home from the hospital and we wanted to bring some food and say hi. I had let the girls know ahead of time that we wouldn't stay long because Granny needed to rest and that they couldn't get a bunch of things out and make a mess. They were good at first, then Kaley wanted something to eat and the twins were fighting over the pump organ. We decided we needed to leave before things got worse and it was almost dinner time.

Since it had been a busy day and the girls had been relatively good, we thought we'd be good parents and take them to Chick-fil-A to eat and play. We stopped at the house to get some socks and at that point Sophie began to have melt down, wanting out of the van. Thankfully it wasn't far away but unfortunately we forgot that they are not open on Sundays. We needed a quick plan B so reluctantly we drove to Burger King all the while listening to Sophie scream. Getting out of the van we hoped she would calm down and be okay. Not so. We hurry to order and suddenly Kaley has to go to the bathroom. I leave Nathan standing there holding the twins and take her. At some point I hear a child screaming and pray it is not Sophie. If I could hear her in the bathroom stall I could only imagine how loud she was up close. Leaving the bathroom I am certain it is Sophie and fight the urge to leave and pretend I don't know them. We get our food and are relieved when something as simple as a french fry stops the tears. That is until the twins see the slide. At that point it was a fight to get them to eat anything. Finally we go to play and notice it really isn't for two year olds. We weren't too worried because it didn't seem the twins would be able to even pull themselves up the stairs to play on the other levels. To our surprise and alarm, Zoe, pulls herself up and proceeds to the top. We are once again amazed at her strength and persistence. We ask Kaley to watch her and help her get to the slide which is on the opposite side. Zoe of course, wanted nothing to do with Kaley, and couldn't be more thrilled than to experiment with her new found freedom. After a while, when Kaley was tired of playing and Sophie was getting upset over being left out, it was evident we might have trouble getting Zoe down. She had no desire to come down. Finally, Nathan had to take off his shoes and climb part way up and coax her down. She began to cry and by the time we got to the van both of the twins were screaming once again. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and forget about this whole experience. I was exhausted and so embarrassed. We were those people you pray you don't see at restaurants and public places. Now we have come home, bathed them, and put them all in bed and I guess I should be thankful we only had to put the twins back in bed 6 times. It could've been worse.

It now seems that they are all asleep and I can finally hear myself think again. What a day! What happen? What did we do wrong? Are we bad parents? And as I sit back and begin to relax and reflect over the day, I am reminded of how heavy hearted I felt earlier in the day as I got news of someone I knew in college passing away. Even sadder still when I shared the news with another college friend who not long ago lost her precious little boy. I suddenly felt disgusted with myself. Here I was, feeling sorry for myself and being consumed with my selfish thoughts. It occurred to me that either of these precious families would give anything to spend even a very bad day with these loved ones they lost. I became overwhelmed with this realization. Did I really have anything to complain about? Oh Lord, forgive me for taking so many things for granted. What a difference a day makes. Now, I wonder, which was the better day? Yesterday went smoothly and I don't think I really took much time to even seek the Lord let alone thank Him. Today, I felt frazzled and like a failure and cried out to the Lord. I am ending this day with a heart full of thankfulness for those whom the Lord has blessed me with for now. What a difference a day makes.

Life: What happens when you make other plans

When I was a little girl, like most little girls, I dreamed about meeting my prince charming, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after. I always imagined my prince would be tall, dark, and handsome with an outgoing, animated personality. That is until I met a quiet, laid back, blond haired, blue eyed boy who stole my heart at 13 years old. Granted it was 10 years later that we finally began our happily ever after. Those 10 years were full of the usual ups and downs, and, joys and heartaches that are apart of growing up. We dated other people and were even separated by 1300 miles for a few years while in college. The details that make up that part of our story we'll save for another day.

Before we were married and often when we talked about having children after we were married, I imagined having three or four little boys. We had decide to wait at least five years before starting our family. After five years, however, I began a three year process of orthodontia that involved two major mouth surgeries. So five years became nine years. We were blessed with our first baby who was a beautiful little girl and our lives were changed forever. Since we had waited so long to have children and weren't getting any younger we weren't certain we wanted to have more. Although I think we both kinda wanted to try for a boy. While adjusting to life as new parents, and as our daughter neared her first birthday, Neither of us were sure we wanted to start all over again with a new baby, so we decided to just enjoy the child we had and revisit our options in a year or two. That is until I became pregnant unexpectedly. Surprised? Yes! But we were so very excited. I was only a few weeks along but had already imagined a lifetime with our second child. Almost as quickly as we had been shocked with this news we were saddened by a miscarriage. It was amazing how quickly my heart could be consumed by something so intangible. This experience only made us certain we wanted another child, so we were happy to be expecting again almost four months later. Once more we were excited, although, perhaps a bit reserved . Unfortunately, after a few weeks, we seemed destined to relive our previous heartache, but thankfully that was not the case... I was carrying twins! What an emotional roller coaster. As this reality began to sink in, we started to wonder and speculate. Would we have two boys? Two girls? One of each? At 35 weeks I gave birth to two tiny but very healthy precious little girls. My imagined three or four boys was now a very real three little girls.

It is hard for a new mother to imagine just how much her life will change. My daydreams about my future with babies and children more closely resembled my pretending to play house as a little girl than to the reality awaiting me. When I played house my babies were always napping, and I went about my business. How little I knew of the obscene amounts of coffee I would need, to survive the many sleepless days and nights ahead, and of the unchecked to do lists. The busier I became the less time I had for daydreaming, so I learned more by trial and error. I had grand ideas of having picture perfect rooms for my kids only to find the contents of my color coordinated, neatly organized toy bins dumped into a pile just minutes after my proud unveiling. I was determined to keep a clean house; Now I simply pray the dust bunnies will stay put and that our guests will not have to go to the bathroom while visiting. I had hoped for idyllic family dinners. Now I lovingly prepare homemade meals and try not to be offended when my toddler asks for chicken nuggets. What happen?

After awhile you realize that the only guarantee you have when making plans is that likely things won't go according to plan. Kids get sick; they tend to be cranky when they don't nap; teething seems to last forever; they only want their hair fixed when your staying home. They don't appreciate the significance of a family picture, and they always have more energy than their parents. I'm learning to embrace each day and take it as it comes rather than react to the many ways it doesn't match what I planned it to be. My life really is everything I never knew I always wanted.

Is there anyone who DOESN'T need prayed for?

Have you ever prayed for Satan's Salvation? Well, me neither, but my 4 year old did a couple of days ago. She was asking me where earthquakes came from. I started trying to explain and she interrupted me and said, "No, I mean from God or from Satan" I was not expecting this and it was only 8 in the morning... I told her that bad things happen because Satan is in the world. I also told her that even though God allows this He is stronger than any bad thing and will ALWAYS take care of us. She listened and when I finished she said, "I need to pray. Dear God, help Satan to stop hurting people and help him to believe in you." WOW! I was so touched by her sincerity and by her faith.

This really got me thinking. How precious is the faith of a child. She understood and didn't question that God was THE answer and that if Satan caused bad things that he needed to believe in God. Matthew 18:13 says "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." I had to admit when it comes to praying for others and especially those who need the Lord, I fall way short. In all honesty I have really lacked the faith that God can change peoples hearts. How sad. Romans 3:23 says "for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" This includes me! I praise God that so many have loved and prayed for me over the years. I am in need of His Life and Grace everyday. I am a sinner who has been saved. We all need the Lord. Even once we are saved we are a work in progress and are still in much need of prayer. We aren't always lovable but we always need loved. None of us have this kind of love but there is one who lives in us who is love. We need to have the faith of a child and go to the Lord immediately without even thinking fully trusting that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).

I am so thankful for the way the Lord continues to speak to me through my children. I am also reminded at these times what an awesome responsibility it is to raise our children up in the Lord. We must surround them with other believers and be grounded in the word so that we will be able to speak Life and truth to them.

From one Mom to another...

A younger sister in the Lord, asked me about the balancing act of being a mom and specifically, how I took care of three girls with patient teaching, and consistent discipline? How I found time to workout, and spend time with God? How I cooked and cleaned and found time to relax and still be productive?

WOW, I think all of us mom's have wondered how other people do this. This is basically what I shared with her and hoped maybe some of you may be encouraged as well. I appreciate all the good examples of Godly Moms I have in my life and pray I can be of help to someone else through some of the lessons I'm learning along the way.......

I by no means have this "balancing act" all figured out and would never be mistaken as an expert on the subject. I only have my experience thus far to refer to and the lessons I'm learning along the way......

Let me start by just saying you have to take it one day at a time. We are in a "season" of life. Each phase will be unique with it's joys and challenges but no phase will last forever. Our kids will not stay little. Live fully in the moment everyday and don't compare it to yesterday or waste it hoping for tomorrow.

You have to figure out what works the best for your family. Only you can decide that. It may not look the same as what it seems "everyone else" is doing. Decide what sort of things are nonnegotiable for your family in your daily schedule and do your best to keep that a priority. For us, we decided that the girls' eating, sleeping, and bathtime/bedtime routine needed to be as consistent as possible. They pretty much eat, sleep, take their bath and go to bed at the same times and in the same pattern everyday. These are basic needs they have and by meeting them in a consistent way we have found it not only gives them a sense of security but helps them feel their best, keep the rest of the day more peaceful and helps the other daily activities go a little more smoothly. Be realistic, keep things simple and don't set yourself up for failure. Be flexible with the things you can.

Being a parent is not easy. Having someone depend on you 24/7 is not always fun. Life w/ kids is unpredictable and full of variables. There are days I have felt like a complete failure. I have lost my patience and let a very small child get the best of me. I've been too lazy, spent too much time on facebook, or even just plain felt sorry for myself. Never underestimate the significance of repentance and forgiveness. It releases you to let go of what's already been done and move forward in freedom.

I try to keep some basic order to our day. We always pick up the toys at naptime and bedtime. We try to be consistent in our discipline and without the Lord in me, I could never be patient. LOL :) I don't cook everyday and I often wish my house was cleaner. My girls aren't always even dressed before two in the afternoon. I try to find time when I know I have help with the girls, to work out, relax, or spend time with friends. Somedays there just isn't time or help and you just do what has to be done. I want to spend more time in the Word than I do but I have found that there are countless ways to enjoy the Lord in the midst of my everyday activities. I love to pray while I shower or while I am holding a clingy child. When I sing to the girls at naptime I like to sing choruses or prayers and just enjoy a time of worship. I am learning to judge my success by my obedience to the Lord throughout my day rather than by the appearance of everything around me or even the opinions of others.

We are on a journey with the Lord learning the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness. We have to learn to embrace the benefits instead of resisting the hardships. I have found that praise and thankfulness are the best way to keep my mouth, mind and heart from going to ugly places and protects me from giving the enemy any ground. God arranges our environment in the very best way for us to gain Him but we have to choose not to resist Him and to be supplied by Him. He saves us in our circumstances.

Be encouraged, He is everything we are not, and He never intended for us to be stuck in an endless battle of defeat. Last but not least....

Pray, Pray, Pray, and pray some more, and again, take it one day at a time.

Are you willing to let go?

I continue to see my relationship with the Lord in new light as I parent my little girls. Today at snack time my little Sophie was asking for more milk and saying she was thirsty. As I reached for her cup to go refill it she held on to it with her whole being. I said, "Silly girl, if you don't give me your cup I can't get you more milk." When I heard myself say this to my daughter the proverbial light bulb went off in my mind. How many times have I cried out to the Lord for something or asked Him to meet my need yet was unwilling to let go of the very things He asked me to give up so that He could meet that need? Thank you Lord for this picture!

Life is just a bowl of soup...

My mom likes to say that "in life we each have our own bowl of soup." I've been thinking about how true that is. There are days it seems all we get is vegetable soup made with our least favorite vegetables but surprisingly enough when we accept it with gratitude it is most satisfying. Some days are fun and exciting like a big bowl of spicy tortilla soup and each bite is better than the one before. Other times nothing is as comforting or fills you up like a hot bowl of creamy potato soup. I realize that as long as we look at our own bowl and appreciate the soup we're being served without comparing it to what is in everyone else's bowl we find it has been prepared with exactly the right ingredients for us to be nourished and strengthened for what comes next. God is the most talented chef and most loving caretaker and we can trust that He knows which soup we need. They haven't all been easy to swallow but I am truly thankful for the countless flavorful soups I have been served.

The Gift of Righteousness

I have spent the last 45 minutes being watered and supplied by the Lord. It wasn't in some quiet time I spent reading the word and being enlightened. It was rather in an epic battle of the wills I was having with two overtired 21 month olds..... I put them in bed for their nap and they seem to be settling down ready to sleep. I sang a few choruses softly hoping my quiet, slow singing would lull them to sleep. I was kneeling between their two beds so I got up quietly, blew them kisses and left them to rest. I then went to help my 4 year old prepare to have a rest time as well. We chose some books and I tucked her in but before I could start reading I heard the twins making noise and moving things in their room. I explained to Kaley that I would have to go make the twins lie down and asked if she could read to herself for awhile. Thankfully she easily agreed. As I entered the twins room neither of them were lying down in their beds. I picked them up and changed their diapers and then started the whole nap time routine over again. I knelt between them and began to sing. They kept trying to get up and each time I laid them back down obviously against their will at this point. I decided to just keep singing the same song over and over again hoping the monotony would help settle them down and so I wouldn't have to really think about what I was singing. After telling them firmly that they were going to take a nap I just went back and fourth (still on my knees) between their beds laying them back down each time they got up , singing softly all the while as they screamed and cried. They were so mad at me. I knew once I started there was no turning back. I had to win this battle. At this point it wasn't so much about the nap as it was about them knowing who was in charge. As I was fighting this battle I was struck by the irony of what I was singing and the fact that I was on my knees. Here is the song I sang over and over again for 45 minutes as they screamed and resisted me......

The Gift of Righteousness

The gift of righteousness is measured in abundance.

The depth of His love I'll never understand.

His love reaches me and you; His mercy goes farther too.

The One on the throne of God is called the Lamb.

Chorus:

So why not open up and call His name...Oh Lord?

Find your spirit where His grace has been outpoured.

Call His name. Taste His grace. Exercise before His face!

He's longing and yearning...

He's hoping and waiting...

He's ever desiring...for you...to turn to Him.

He knows your deepest thought your every situation.

He understands your heart, He knows your history.

There's nothing in His way.

He's just waiting for you to say...

Lord Jesus, my wandering heart I give to Thee.

Chorus.

I was so touched as I saw the picture of how I battle the Lord. He tells me what is best for me and arranges my environment in such a way that will help me grow and be strengthened. I keep removing myself and try to do what I think is best and end up defeated. He loving picks me up and puts me back in the place I need to be. He is just waiting for me to turn to Him. There is nothing in His way. He's just waiting for me to say....Lord, Jesus, my wandering heart I give to Thee.

I began to feel energized rather than exhausted and the twins were finally worn out and went to sleep. Praise the Lord for His love and mercy and for the way He saves us in our circumstances. We just need to call His name and taste His grace.