Beautiful Flowers

In college I read a book called "The 5 Love Languages" written by Dr. Gary Chapman. After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I can honestly say this book changed my life. It just made sense and changed the way I express and interpret love. I confess, when I began to read this book, I approached it from a purely selfish point of view. I was so excited to see such a clearly defined example of how I express myself and why. It became clear to me that if somehow all the people who loved me could just read this book they would know exactly what to do to make me feel special and feel truly loved. But exactly how was I going to get everyone to read it and see what I saw? Hmmm.... I tried looking at it from a different perspective and saw glimpses of enlightenment of how I could convey my love to others in a way they could receive it better. I still couldn't figure out how to make others love me better, though.

While dating my husband and even into the beginning of our marriage it was no secret that we spoke different languages. I longed to hear him share his heart through mushy love letters or surprise me with loving romantic gestures such as sending flowers, making reservations, or just telling me how much he adored me. He on the other hand being practical to a fault had no natural inclination to do any of these things. There was no end to the things he would do for me, however. He has never once complained about helping with anything that needs done around the house. He has cooked, done the dishes, cleaned my stove, scrubbed the bathrooms, mopped the floor, washed the windows made the bed, changed diapers, fed babies, watched toddlers, given the girls their baths or any number of things that needed done or would lighten my load. Not to mention he has always emptied the trash, taken care of the yard and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have had to pump my own gas in the time we have been together. I truly appreciated all of these things and yet there would be times I still felt hurt and unnoticed. Finally a time would come and I would tell him how I felt only to feel awful because it would make him sad to think he'd hurt me. I knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved me and that he chose me even though my feelings deceived me.

Through the years I have spent much time in prayer, read many books, and have sought wisdom from others concerning my relationships with those I love. One very important thing I've realized is that no matter what happens between myself and another person I only have control over my own actions or reactions. Regardless of how I feel, I have to take it as from the Lord Himself. He arranges my environment and is in every detail of my circumstances and no one can do anything to me outside of His care for me and His desire to fulfill His purpose in my life. So even in my relationships and especially with my husband I needed to trust His love for me and give my feelings to the Lord.

I picked up "The 5 Love Languages" years later and read it again. This time after much growth in the Lord I received a completely different message. I began to appreciate the different love languages of the special people in my life and started accepting their expressions of love the way their heart spoke them. This was such a revelation to me. My husband and I will be married 14 years on the 16th of August. Over the years I have learned to embrace his gracious Acts of Service as the gifts of love that they are. I am overwhelmed at times at all the beautiful "flowers" he gives me through the many practical ways he cares for me daily. This is how he cherishes me and gives of himself because he loves me. Even sweeter still is that as our love continues to grow and as we are blessed with another day together we each become a little more bilingual.