Smiles and Tears

Well, here we are. My baby is going to start Pre-K tomorrow. This is a day we all knew would come. However, I never imagined it would come so quickly. I have been blessed to be home with her since she was born and was even given a bonus year since she has a September birthday. These last five years have been filled with some of the most joyful, proud, humbling, challenging days of my life so far.

I love being Kaley's Mom. She is such a special little girl. She is curious, inquisitive, insightful and articulate. She observes everything around her and has an amazing memory. She is creative and her imagination seems to have no limit. She is funny, and sensitive and wants everyone to be her friend. She is also headstrong, impatient, dramatic, and quick tempered. I have often wondered if her ears actually work. Even as a baby she seemed to have a mind of her own and endless energy.

I find it hard to believe all she has learned in five years and all the ways she has grown. I am even more astounded at what I have learned. I am not near as patient as I would have liked to believe I was. I too am headstrong and have too quick a temper. I never knew all the ways being a mom would transform me and how precious His supply of grace would become. Loving my children has given me a much deeper appreciation of God's unconditional love for me. It is true what they say about "Having children is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body." I want so much to keep her close and protect her from anyone or anything that could hurt her. The truth is though, that even in my care I have no guarantee of her safety.

From the time she was born I have prayed for the Lord to keep her safe and keep her well. I have thanked the Lord for loving her more than I can and always acknowledged that she is His and not really mine. And still, I find myself lacking the faith to actually let go even in little ways. Preschool is only a few hours each day but it is just the beginning of a lifetime of letting her leave my care and entrusting her to His. I was encouraged by something I read yesterday. AW Tozer said, "Wherever we are, God is here. There is no place, there can be no place where He is not." I was comforted by the truth that God is with me and there was no where His love for me couldn't reach and ever so gently the Lord spoke to my heart and reassured me that He was not only with me but with each of those I love. I don't need to be afraid of letting my children grow up. There is absolutely nowhere they can go without the Lord being there with them.

Tomorrow is a big day and will be a bittersweet mixture of smiles and tears. It makes me sad to see just how far away we are from the days I first held her in my arms but I too am so full of joy to see her growing up and being the little girl she is today. I am proud of her and humbled at the opportunity given me to be her mom. Her excitement is contagious and I look forward to seeing her embrace the challenges of this new experience.