Sometimes, Eating is Everything!

It is just the twins and I this morning at home while Kaley is at school. I have been trying to catch up on folding and putting away clothes while the girls played and watched cartoons. At least that is what I had hoped to do but the girls have been fighting and fussing making it hard to accomplish much of anything. I thought maybe they just wanted my undivided attention so I sat down to hold them and read but they were still out of sorts. Finally, I sat them at the table and gave them some cheese and goldfish. Wow, what a difference. They just needed to eat.

Isn't this how we are as christians? We try to go about our daily business but find ourselves fighting with everyone, complaining about everything, and feeling sorry for our pitiful selves. Most of the time it is simply a matter of eating. If we don't stop and turn, exercising our spirit, taking the time to eat the Word, giving ourselves to being saturated with the truth we will find it hard to get out of ourselves and into our Spirit. Praise the Lord for such practical examples in our daily life!

Today...

Thank you, Lord, for your mercies new

and for strength to start each day.

Each morning help me exercise

to turn to You and pray.

I don't want to live in my mind

and be ruled by my own will.

I want to reject all Satan's lies

not trusting what I feel.

I want to eat your living Word

and drink by calling on Your name.

I'll stand upon your promises

Your precious blood to claim.

I accept this day's supply of grace

and take You as my Head.

Be in me what I am not

that by Your Spirit I am led.

I want to play...

I woke up to a beautiful, crisp, cool morning with the feeling of Fall in the air. It was a welcome refreshment after these last couple of months with record heat. We had plans for my husband and his parents to spend the day working on putting up new fence in our backyard so we arranged to have breakfast together bright and early. The only thing better than the change of weather was the mouthwatering smell of applewood smoked bacon and my Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee. With such a delightful ambience, I even rather enjoyed the simple task of fixing breakfast for everyone and cleaning up.

After breakfast, those of us not appointed to fence duty went out back to play. Play, that is suppose to be fun, right? In all honesty I wasn't looking forward to this part. Yes, I was thankful for the beautiful weather and knew the girls would be excited for an opportunity to play outside but I couldn't help but think of all the things I could accomplish inside if given the time alone to do it. When did this happen to me? When did I become such a "grown up"? As a kid, I remember being filled with anticipation of all the fun a weekend could hold and remember how endless time felt when we were left to just play. I brought out the phone and my kindle (wishful thinking) and sat down taking in the fresh air. I'm not sure why I thought sitting would be possible. Two year olds require chasing and five year olds expect you to assist in playing out the many roles and scenarios their imaginations dream up. Reluctant at first, I put away my things and decided to play.

According to the dictionary to play is to engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. With the responsibilities of life and all our anxious fretting about, we seem to forget how to do this as we grow up. Thankfully it is an innate quality of a child and it is contagious. My girls were giddy with excitement to be outside. They were running in all directions with seemingly no direction. Squealing, laughing, jumping, climbing, singing and talking all at once. It was absolute chaos and completely wonderful. They had not one concern about what would happen next and played with a complete lack of inhibition or restraint. When it was time we made lunch and all ate outside, played a bit more and then came in for naps.

I can't remember the last time I felt this refreshed and alive. Now that they are resting up for whatever the afternoon holds I consider what might of been... I could have stayed in and accomplished some practical things like tackle the everpresent mountain of laundry, continue my quest to rid my house of dustbunnies, or even rid my fridge of it's unplanned science projects. What I probably would have done, though, is sit down and peruse facebook and realize after way too long that I had already read the same statuses five times because nothing had changed since I last checked. I might then decide to finish the book I started on my kindle and then after so little activity would feel sleepy. Since I would still need to make lunch and get the girls ready for nap I'd probably be a little cranky since I'd just want to sleep myself and on top of that I'd be disappointed I hadn't accomplished anything.

I am so thankful I played! Not only was it the very best way I could have spent my time this morning I am thankful I didn't miss out on those precious moments with my girls. Kaley will be 5 tomorrow and her awareness of reality will eventually drown out the details of her pretend world. The twins will all too soon learn how to say their words correctly and sing the right words and tunes to their songs. Life will get busy and I'll always have practical matters to deal with but I'll never get back the minutes I've been given each day once they've been lived. I don't want to get so busy I forget to play and enjoy these moments of my children's childhood. I don't want to ever look back and wish I had just played.

My Treasure

It seems the enemy knows me well.

He slithers in and it's hard to tell

exactly when my fear and greed

start to plant an ugly seed.

My mouth, my heart, and my mind

expose my lack until I find

I'm consumed with desire for food and things

and try to control what tomorrow brings.

I worry and fret although I'm blessed

and forget to take you as my rest.

You want to hear my thanks and praise

and trust you with my coming days.

Lord, take away the want in me

for that which I do not need.

I'll gladly accept your perfect measure.

My growth in you, my increasing treasure.

I can do it...all by myself!

I was having a snack with my almost 5 year old daughter this afternoon. She chose a small bag of Cheetos and naturally I reached over to help her open the package. She snatched it away from me saying, "I can do it all by myself! I am big now, Mommy." I went back to my snack and let her be a big girl. I couldn't help but notice, though, she was really struggling with that bag of chips. She pulled this way and that way but the bag just wouldn't budge. She struggled a minute, and after what felt like forever to me she finally conceded, "Well, maybe this time you will have to help me just a little bit." I just wanted to hug her, and I did, after I helped her open her bag.

Isn't it funny that it is in those seemingly insignificant everyday occurrences the Lord speaks to me so profoundly. So many times I have approached the task at hand, and although I may not tell the Lord outright that I can handle things on my own, I say it through my independence and omission of prayer. He doesn't force His will on me or laugh at my misguided confidence in my own abilities. Instead, He waits.

Sometimes things go okay but I don't feel the joy I thought I would, but more often than not things go horribly wrong and I realize how much I needed my Heavenly Father. The very moment I confess this and turn to Him, He is there. He doesn't say, "I told you so," and He doesn't turn His back to teach me a lesson. He opens His arms and lovingly covers me with His grace and faithfully restores the situation.

Smiles and Tears

Well, here we are. My baby is going to start Pre-K tomorrow. This is a day we all knew would come. However, I never imagined it would come so quickly. I have been blessed to be home with her since she was born and was even given a bonus year since she has a September birthday. These last five years have been filled with some of the most joyful, proud, humbling, challenging days of my life so far.

I love being Kaley's Mom. She is such a special little girl. She is curious, inquisitive, insightful and articulate. She observes everything around her and has an amazing memory. She is creative and her imagination seems to have no limit. She is funny, and sensitive and wants everyone to be her friend. She is also headstrong, impatient, dramatic, and quick tempered. I have often wondered if her ears actually work. Even as a baby she seemed to have a mind of her own and endless energy.

I find it hard to believe all she has learned in five years and all the ways she has grown. I am even more astounded at what I have learned. I am not near as patient as I would have liked to believe I was. I too am headstrong and have too quick a temper. I never knew all the ways being a mom would transform me and how precious His supply of grace would become. Loving my children has given me a much deeper appreciation of God's unconditional love for me. It is true what they say about "Having children is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body." I want so much to keep her close and protect her from anyone or anything that could hurt her. The truth is though, that even in my care I have no guarantee of her safety.

From the time she was born I have prayed for the Lord to keep her safe and keep her well. I have thanked the Lord for loving her more than I can and always acknowledged that she is His and not really mine. And still, I find myself lacking the faith to actually let go even in little ways. Preschool is only a few hours each day but it is just the beginning of a lifetime of letting her leave my care and entrusting her to His. I was encouraged by something I read yesterday. AW Tozer said, "Wherever we are, God is here. There is no place, there can be no place where He is not." I was comforted by the truth that God is with me and there was no where His love for me couldn't reach and ever so gently the Lord spoke to my heart and reassured me that He was not only with me but with each of those I love. I don't need to be afraid of letting my children grow up. There is absolutely nowhere they can go without the Lord being there with them.

Tomorrow is a big day and will be a bittersweet mixture of smiles and tears. It makes me sad to see just how far away we are from the days I first held her in my arms but I too am so full of joy to see her growing up and being the little girl she is today. I am proud of her and humbled at the opportunity given me to be her mom. Her excitement is contagious and I look forward to seeing her embrace the challenges of this new experience.

Beautiful Flowers

In college I read a book called "The 5 Love Languages" written by Dr. Gary Chapman. After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I can honestly say this book changed my life. It just made sense and changed the way I express and interpret love. I confess, when I began to read this book, I approached it from a purely selfish point of view. I was so excited to see such a clearly defined example of how I express myself and why. It became clear to me that if somehow all the people who loved me could just read this book they would know exactly what to do to make me feel special and feel truly loved. But exactly how was I going to get everyone to read it and see what I saw? Hmmm.... I tried looking at it from a different perspective and saw glimpses of enlightenment of how I could convey my love to others in a way they could receive it better. I still couldn't figure out how to make others love me better, though.

While dating my husband and even into the beginning of our marriage it was no secret that we spoke different languages. I longed to hear him share his heart through mushy love letters or surprise me with loving romantic gestures such as sending flowers, making reservations, or just telling me how much he adored me. He on the other hand being practical to a fault had no natural inclination to do any of these things. There was no end to the things he would do for me, however. He has never once complained about helping with anything that needs done around the house. He has cooked, done the dishes, cleaned my stove, scrubbed the bathrooms, mopped the floor, washed the windows made the bed, changed diapers, fed babies, watched toddlers, given the girls their baths or any number of things that needed done or would lighten my load. Not to mention he has always emptied the trash, taken care of the yard and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have had to pump my own gas in the time we have been together. I truly appreciated all of these things and yet there would be times I still felt hurt and unnoticed. Finally a time would come and I would tell him how I felt only to feel awful because it would make him sad to think he'd hurt me. I knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved me and that he chose me even though my feelings deceived me.

Through the years I have spent much time in prayer, read many books, and have sought wisdom from others concerning my relationships with those I love. One very important thing I've realized is that no matter what happens between myself and another person I only have control over my own actions or reactions. Regardless of how I feel, I have to take it as from the Lord Himself. He arranges my environment and is in every detail of my circumstances and no one can do anything to me outside of His care for me and His desire to fulfill His purpose in my life. So even in my relationships and especially with my husband I needed to trust His love for me and give my feelings to the Lord.

I picked up "The 5 Love Languages" years later and read it again. This time after much growth in the Lord I received a completely different message. I began to appreciate the different love languages of the special people in my life and started accepting their expressions of love the way their heart spoke them. This was such a revelation to me. My husband and I will be married 14 years on the 16th of August. Over the years I have learned to embrace his gracious Acts of Service as the gifts of love that they are. I am overwhelmed at times at all the beautiful "flowers" he gives me through the many practical ways he cares for me daily. This is how he cherishes me and gives of himself because he loves me. Even sweeter still is that as our love continues to grow and as we are blessed with another day together we each become a little more bilingual.