The Happiest Color of Crazy

When I was young I had big dreams

romantic visions of all life could be.

I wanted to fall in love, be swept off my feet

have a beautiful home and a loving family.

God sees the desires of my heart

hearing the prayers my fears won't let me speak.

He knows just how to fill my lack

becoming my strong knowing my weak.  

My picture of happy has changed over time.

Things aren't always what they might seem. 

I do have love, a home and three kids 

but life is all but serene.... 

We find ourselves always behind 

trying to do all that's needing done.

The kids are loud making a mess 

keeping us on the run... 

The bills keep coming but sleep rarely does

Life's demands pile up like the dishes.

No time for dates, or leisurely mornings.

An endless list of  empty wishes...  

That's when I can tell my heart has turned 

and I must humbly repent.

Losing my joy by forgetting my thanks 

is the surest road to discontent.

I must forget about what I want 

and seek Him first in ALL things.

Looking around for His gifts of grace

in the simplest moments that each day brings.

My days are painted the happiest color of crazy.

My God supplies my every need.

I have everything I never knew I  wanted

and my heart is full indeed!  

My Favorite Time of Year

October is here and the weather is changing

It's my favorite time of year.

A time to reflect, and be inspired 

as the holidays will soon be here.  

The trees are dressed to impress 

in colors, red, orange, gold, and green.

Leaves dancing as they fall and scatter

creating our Autumn scene.  

The days are shorter and things slow down.

The air begins to chill.

It warms my heart from the inside out

as I anticipate the season's thrill.  

I love to watch it rain outside

and even enjoy a blustery day.

We can finally wear warm socks and sweaters,  

Snuggling up to keep the cold at bay.  

Crackling fires, candy corn

days full of cozy and sweet

Hot coffee, cider, cocoa, chai

crunching leaves and many a treat.

My oven seems to come to life 

as does my domestic flair

I'm eager to bake and share my love

as pumpkin spice and apple cinnamon fill the air.  

Pie and cobbler, cookies, cake

recipes both old and new. 

Bread and soup, casseroles

a savory supper of chili or stew.  

The tastes and smells of comfort food,  

friends and family gathered around.

These simple joys reminding me

I am blessed and gifts of grace abound. 

Jesus Loves Me

Don't you love it when the Lord speaks to  your heart using the most simple familiar truths we seem to have all but forgotten?  He did this for me this morning.  The enemy likes nothing more than to creep into our thinking and feelings and strangle us with anxiety and fear when we are most vulnerable.  This weekend I am going out of town with my parents to visit my grandparents.  It is rare for me to be away from my husband and my girls.  In our almost 15 years of marriage we have only been separated overnight from each other a handful of times and only once from the girls and they were in the same town.  Without even realizing it I started getting anxious about being gone.  What if something happened to me?  What if something happened to them.  Maybe it is best we just stay together?  The enemy started circling, smelling my fear.  

While taking Kaley to school this morning, I was calling on the Lord, saying our usual morning prayers and began singing just before I dropped her off.  I started singing Jesus Loves Me as she was getting out of the van.  I stopped long enough to blow kisses, tell her I love her and say, "Bye Bye Butterfly"  and then I continued singing.  Suddenly the words I was singing seem to envelop me in the sweetest warmest hug from my heavenly father.  I heard him speak into my heart.  I love you!  I love those you love!  You are weak.  They are weak.  I am strong.  Trust me.  I love you.  

This brings me to tears even now as I write.  Thank you, Lord!  I don't have to be afraid to leave my family for a few days.  It isn't my presence that keeps them safe when I am here.  I will miss them but I will also enjoy the rare opportunity to spend time with my parents by myself and to visit my grandparents.  I don't want to waste the time I have today with my family worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow while I'm away.  I don't have to know what tomorrow holds.  I know Who holds tomorrow and I know that He loves me and He loves those I love even more than I ever could.  

So much more than a list of names...

Have you ever found yourself scrolling through your list of friends on facebook being drenched in the flood of memories pouring out of those names? This is how I found myself this afternoon. Such an eclectic blend of characters that make up my friends list and countless unique experiences these people represent. Wow, my list is made up of

-my family -old family friends - friends that are like family -friends of my family members -Aunts, Uncles, cousins -those who became family when I got married who have grown into friends -my husbands friends

-there are classmates from elementary school, Jr. High, High School, and so so many from college

-girls I slumber partied with, wrote notes to, talked on the phone with, giggled with, fought with, and made plans with

-boys I crushed on, guys I dated, men, women and couples I've admired

-those from my youth group, friends I made at State youth convention, church camp and on missions trips

(To these friends I am eternally grateful there have been limited awkward photos shared and embarrassing stories told from those priceless moments in time)

-teachers, professors, pastors, bosses and those who have mentored me

-Kids I've babysat for who are grown now and make me feel old having kids the same age as my own

-People who make me laugh, those who make me think and many that encourage and inspire me

-Those I have worshipped with, prayed with and grown up in faith with

-My roommates from college who were like sisters and the many special friends I made while at MBC (MACU)

-Those I worked with and those I've worked for

-girlfriends I have bonded with over the trials and joys of motherhood and learning from one another's domestic adventures

-those who have helped care for and love my children

-There are some I do business with and even some I have never met but have grown a friendship with over mutual friends and interests, and others still

Today, I am appreciating how important each of these relationships are and how valuable these experiences have been to me. They helped shape me and grow me into the person I am today. I feel blessed and grateful for each of these friends. Does this mean I have had only happy memories or experienced only easy relationships void of any disappointments or heartbreak? No, not at all, but for even those difficult lessons I've learned along the way and with many of these people, I am so thankful. I am reminded of something Corrie ten Boom said, "Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see." What a divine and beautiful arrangement!

A Beautiful Mess-terpiece!

I read a cute story to the girls this morning about a giant squid who was an aspiring artist. Everyone told him he was making a mess but he smiled at his work and called it a "Mess-terpiece" I like that. We are human and our daily lives can be a real mess sometimes but when we give ourselves to be used by the Lord and gain Him in our circumstances He can transform our mess into quite the Mess-terpiece! Enjoy your mess today knowing that the Lord is smiling on His beautiful work. :)

Where is the child in me?

Our children are life's teachers

exposing us as they grow

showing us God's true love

in ways we didn't know.

They have fresh eyes and open hearts

and are as honest as the day is long.

They are selfish and hurt those they love

but usually admit when they are wrong.

They fully live each moment they're given

with out concern of what will be.

In they're innocent wonder of the world

they behold the miracle with simplicity.

Why do our years cover this beauty

that is a child's delight?

Why are we fearful and cautious

stumbling as if we've lost our sight.

Our children are our teachers

giving us new eyes to see.

Lord, I'm so tired of being old

please wake the child in me.

Keeping My Hands Open

Outwardly today is like any other ordinary day yet as I sit here in front of my computer with my coffee I feel such joy bubbling out of me I can't help but share it. I've recently read a book by Ann Voskamp titled "one thousand gifts". This book has opened my eyes and helped me truly see God in the small moments of my everyday ordinary life. I am wholeheartedly practicing to find His love and gifts of grace throughout my day without rushing past each minute in search of what's next.

This morning, I could have easily been swept up in the anxious rush of getting the girls ready and out the door. Instead I took a few minutes as I dressed to really breathe the Lord in and open my hands and heart to receive what he had for me today. This small act of obedience planted a seed and already in just the few hours since I have enjoyed the sweet way the Lord has watered and nurtured me.

We did the things that needed done and got out the door. As we were getting settled in the van to take Kaley to school she asked me, "Mommy, do you know what I wished after school yesterday?" I said, "No, can you tell me?" I didn't feel rushed and I really wanted to hear her. She said, " I wished that I would never be naughty ever again." This made me smile and I sensed the opportunity before me. I said, " You know, we don't have to worry about what happens tomorrow or about the ever agains, we just have to give God right now and ask Him to help us. We do our personal best and trust God with the rest. We don't even have to wish it and see what happens we just stop and pray and ask God." She was listening, really listening and asked me if I would pray this for her when we said our prayers on the way to school. My heart felt light and so full of happy. As I was driving we prayed and I shared Philippians 4:13 with her and had her repeat it after me. As she got out of the van at school I encouraged her to try to remember the verse and she said she would try to remember.

I am so glad I slowed down this morning and invited the Lord into my day. Not only was He able to help me train up my precious 5 year old daughter in Himself but as my Heavenly Father He spoke such love to me. I cannot wait to see all that God has to show me today and even now I reject the the enemy and his lies. I will not be distracted and swept up in anxious thoughts becoming ungrateful and dissatisfied. Thank you, Lord Jesus for this day, for these minutes and for your loving plan for me. I will keep my hands open for you to rearrange your gifts as you choose. Grow in me a little more today. Amen.